Mixed Emotions

My last day of work was on August 20th.  Since then I have just been enjoying my free time.  I started off making great use of that time by working out everyday and doing some reading and writing, but lately I've found that I'm just laying around wasting away.  I told my dad yesterday that I feel like I'm just sitting around depending on other people for survival and I hate that!  I moved to Philly with nothing and I made it work, so why is this different?  I keep telling myself that I should stop complaining and be grateful that I have family who is able and willing to help me.  But I need more than that.  I guess I'm just worried that if things don't happen for me soon, I will start to be a burden and then people will regret helping me.  I am kind of annoying.

While reading an acting book this morning I started to realize something; my friend BB and I are working on a screen play and one of the characters was really hard for me to develop because I had no way of connecting with her and her situation.  These past few days have really given me a sense of the struggle that is similar to what this character is dealing with.  Well, mine is less severe than her situation, but it's a start.

I will admit that as I go through trying times, I do my best to live in the moment and commit my feelings to memory because I have no way of knowing if I will need to summon it for a future role or for a character I'm writing.  The only thing about living in the moment is that you are forced to experience the pain.  Perhaps this system is flawed.  LOL.  Sigh.  This too shall pass.