My buddy, Joey, and I were on our way to class yesterday morning. In our typical fashion, we were completely engaged in conversation about our upcoming films. Seriously, I have nothing else going on in my life right now, so all I have to talk about is my movie. Luckily, even though he has more going on, he's always down to hear about my film and talk about his. I was on autopilot on our way to class as I rambled on and on about my film.
There are certain things that happen in my day to day life that I look back on and point out as "foreshadowing". Well, there were several instances on our drive when people were honking. I would ask Joey, "Are they honking at us?" They weren't, but just to give you a sense of the foreshadowing.
Okay, so we're engrossed in conversation, driving to class, going over a bridge, when we hear a train horn. It was extremely loud and all my mind could conceive of was that this train was honking at us because it was about to hit us. There were only three things that ran through my mind in that instance. 1.) How did I not see the train? 2.) My negligence has gotten us both killed. 3.) I'm sorry, Joey.
For some reason, in the movies and on tv, they always say that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. That wasn't the case for me. I told you what happened. I had time to think three things. When I thought, "I'm sorry", I couldn't even speak it. I thought it and it was directed at Joey. It was my apology to him for killing him when he had so much to live for and look forward to. I thought those three things and then I expected to be slammed into by a train. Never mind that I was on a bridge and the train was passing under me. For some reason none of that reality entered my mind. All that happened was the insanely loud train horn, those three thoughts, and BAM!
When we were not killed on impact, or should I say, when we continued to drive over the bridge as the train continued to drive under us, I looked at Joey and we laughed about how loud and scary that train was. I've since told several people of our near death experience and no one seems to fully understand how for a second there, I honestly thought my life was over. When I realized we were okay, I started to cry. I was so happy to be alive! I know I didn't almost die. I know I was out of harm's way, but it still scared me.
One of the things that I realized, and I'm actually really proud of this, but I wasn't afraid of dying. I thought it was about to happen, I expected it to happen, and I wasn't scared. Don't get me wrong, I was sad about it, but I had accepted it. I thought about it all day yesterday, and clearly, I keep thinking about it today. I think about what I'd leave behind. The unfinished projects. The people my death would effect. Who would my roommate, Cody, live with? Who would she kill bugs for? Would J'Vanne, my producer, make Collectible Items? Who would direct it? When was the last time I talked to my parents? My siblings? My extended family? My friends? Would I go to heaven? Have I lived my life in a way that's pleasing to God? It's a lot to think about.
You've all seen The Shawshank Redemption, right? Andy says, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." I've always felt that way, but now I feel like it's reinforced. Time to get double focused. What do you guys think? What would James Franco do? My guess is that he'd get busy living. I woke up today feeling happy to be alive.
#WWJFD
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